The Weirdest Questions We’ve Ever Been Asked (And the Answers)

Working in a cemetery and crematory means you get used to certain questions: “Do I need a vault?” “Can we play their favorite song?” “What are the rules about scattering ashes?”—all perfectly reasonable.

And then there are the others. The questions that come out of nowhere and stick with us for weeks. The ones that make us pause, raise an eyebrow, and then go, “You know what… fair.”

Here are some of our favorite strange-but-sincere questions over the years—and the answers, in case you were wondering too.

Can we put their ashes in a bowling trophy?

Yes. You can. We’ve had ashes placed in everything from a tackle box to a ceramic garden gnome. As long as it’s sealed, safe, and respectful to the family’s wishes, we’re happy to help you turn a cherished item into a one-of-a-kind urn. (And yes, the bowling trophy had a plaque.)

Do the cremated remains all fit in the urn?

Short answer: usually. Long answer: it depends on the size of the person and the size of the urn. We always make sure families are prepared with the right container—or multiple options if needed. What’s not helpful is trying to guess volume by eyeballing a decorative vase at home. (We’ve seen it. It didn’t end well.)

Will we get all the ashes back? Like, all of them?

Yes. From the moment someone is in our care to the release back to the funeral director in charge or the authorized family we have an extensive Standard Operating Procedure, and without fail consistently employ iron-clad chain of custody and identification processes and equipment designed for exactly this purpose. You receive only your loved one’s cremated remains—nothing and no one else, and all of them. You’re not sharing. There is no ash mix-up. It’s not a buffet.

Do you ever cremate pets and people together?

No. That’s a hard line. Legally, ethically, and professionally—human and pet cremations are always performed separately, in separate equipment. We don’t have a pet crematory at Martin Oaks. That said, if you want your pet’s ashes placed with you later, we can absolutely make arrangements. Love is love, and sometimes it has paws.

Can I visit the grave with my metal detector?

Technically… yes. But maybe check with us first. Not because we think you’re trying to dig anything up, but because we might want to redirect you to the non-historic, less emotionally fragile section. Cemeteries are peaceful, but they are also emotional sacred ground. Use your beeping responsibly.

Can we leave beer at the grave?

Sure. People leave everything from coffee cups to guitar picks to unopened letters. Someone even left a set of truck tires once. A cold beer for Dad isn’t unusual—and honestly, it’s kind of lovely. Just be respectful, tidy, and maybe don’t leave a full six-pack unless you’re planning a reunion.

Do you believe in ghosts?

Let’s just say: we believe in grief. And if a late-night creak in the floorboard helps someone feel close to the person they’ve lost… that’s not something we need to explain away. We’re not ghost hunters. We’re just good listeners.

Why This Matters

The questions people ask in times of grief are rarely about curiosity alone—they’re about meaning, connection, memory, and getting things right. And sometimes, yes, they’re about whether you can legally put someone’s ashes in a custom-painted garden flamingo.

We’re here for all of it.

So ask your questions. All of them. The practical, the personal, the weird, the sacred, the ones you’re afraid will sound silly. Nothing about love or loss is silly to us.

We’ve heard it all. And we’re still listening.