7 Things NOT to Say to Someone When a Loved One Dies
Losing a loved one hurts. Friends and family are compassionate and always willing to help but this isn’t something one does often and it’s hard to find the right thing to say sometimes. Words can either be a source of comfort or cause unintended pain. While most people mean well, certain phrases can come off as dismissive, hurtful, or just plain unhelpful. If you want to support someone who is grieving, here are seven things you should avoid saying—and what to say instead.
1. “I know exactly how you feel.”
Even if you’ve experienced loss, no two grief journeys are the same. Saying this can make the grieving person feel like their pain is being minimized.
💬 What to say instead:
“I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you, but I’m here for you.”
2. “They’re in a better place.”
This phrase can feel dismissive, especially if the person is struggling with their grief. Even if the deceased was suffering, the grieving person may not be ready to see their death as a relief.
💬 What to say instead:
“I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m here if you need anything.”
3. “Everything happens for a reason.”
This can make it seem like their loss was meant to happen or that they should just accept it. Grief is painful, and people need space to process it without being forced to find meaning immediately.
💬 What to say instead:
“I can’t pretend to understand why this happened, but I’m here to support you.”
4. “At least they lived a long life.”
Even if someone had a long and full life, their loss is still painful. This statement can feel like it’s trying to downplay their grief.
💬 What to say instead:
“No matter how long they lived, losing someone you love is so hard. I’m thinking of you.”
5. “You need to be strong.”
Telling someone to “be strong” may make them feel like they can’t express their grief openly. It’s okay to be vulnerable and to process emotions in their own way.
💬 What to say instead:
“It’s okay to feel however you’re feeling right now. I’m here to support you.”
6. “At least you have other loved ones.”
Grief isn’t about replacing one person with another. Saying this can feel dismissive, as if their loss should be easier to bear because they still have other relationships.
💬 What to say instead:
“I know this person was so important to you. If you ever want to talk about them, I’d love to listen.”
7. “It’s time to move on.”
Grief doesn’t have an expiration date. Everyone heals at their own pace, and no one should feel rushed to “move on.”
💬 What to say instead:
“Take all the time you need. I’m here for you whenever you need support.”
When comforting someone who is grieving, the most important thing is to listen and be present. You don’t need to have the perfect words—just show that you care. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is simply say, “I’m here for you.”